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The grainy, night-vision sex video circulating the Internet will satisfy people wanting to see Paris Hilton debased. (Is that redundant?) But Pamela and Tommy Lee have nothing to fear

It's beginning to get cold outside, and cozy office cubicles this week were warmed by the hotly anticipated release of the Paris Hilton Sex Tape -- or at least the three-minute highlight reel that's circulating the Web, and will have to satisfy until a director's cut premieres.

Is it really Paris Hilton, the 22-year-old full-time party girl and heiress to the Hilton Hotel family fortune, on the grainy video? The woman certainly looks like her -- at least in close-up. And there seems no doubt a video exists. While Hilton denied as much a few weeks ago, her publicist, Siri Garber, has admitted its existence to the press, including Salon. "It is actually illegal for anyone to posess this tape -- it is a felony -- and the Hilto [sic] family is taking action against anyone who has the tape," Garber told Salon in an e-mail, responding to our inquiries last week, "so I suggest you do not pursue this further ..."

Nothing says "Christmas" like a good old-fashioned circle jerk by the fire.

For all you squares who don't know what a circle jerk is, turn to Page 88 of the Abercrombie & Fitch Quarterly, under the picture of wet, naked college kids and the heading "Group Sex." (It's difficult to figure out where you are in the book since most pages aren't numbered.) It reads: "Sex, as we know, can involve one or two, but what about even more? ... A pleasant and supersafe alternative to this is group masturbation."

In the U.S. adult film industry, Asian women are a sexual fetish and Asian men are almost completely absent. Prof. Darrell Hamamoto wants to change that -- by producing skin flicks with Asian male stars. A lot of guys might jump at the opportunity to take a free trip to Los Angeles, have sex with a beautiful Asian woman and be paid for it. But it took months for Darrell Hamamoto to get someone to take the bait because there was a catch -- the tryst would be filmed for an adult video titled "Skin to Skin" being produced by Hamamoto.

Casting a porn shoot is not a big deal in Southern California, the capital of the multibillion-dollar adult movie industry. What made Hamamoto's request unusual was that he wasn't looking for just any guy with the "right equipment" for the job. He wanted an Asian American stud to co-star with an Asian American woman for his video -- something unheard of in the industry, which produces thousands of heterosexual-porn videos in the United States every year.

The standard answer to that question goes something like this: Porn is aimed at a straight male audience. (Which is true enough, but already we're on shaky ground; how do you account for the straight women who are also watching it, comprising, in some estimates, 49 percent of porn renters?) For those men, lesbian scenes offer sex without any male competitor. And that's where, if you have any knowledge of porn, the logic of the argument simply falls apart. Former underage porn queen Traci Lords chats about how Ronald Reagan saved her life, dressing like a pony for a Japanese spanking party, and how she's helping teen girls out of the kind of life she led.

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